"Hands on" Sexual Education

Teachers simulating sounds of orgasm for their students; oral and anal sex as alternatives to vaginal penetration; how to masturbate; pulling condoms over black plastic penises. These activities could be part of the story line of any number of the pornographic videos making billions for their owners on the internet.

But no, this is the gist of sex education in some Auckland, New Zealand, schools. Yet instead of widespread sighs of relief knowing that their kids are being prepared to navigate the delights of commercial sexploitation in the capitalist world, a full blown moral panic is spreading among Auckland parents.

Letters to the editor from stiff and uptight in East Auckland, from over and out in West Auckland, all complain that they never had such a good time while they were at school. There is such a shortage of black penises in their neighbourhood they want to know if adult night classes are available. 

Now that it is no longer politically correct to lynch people to get erections it seems common sense to stop simulating and do the real thing. After all the kids are doing it, so let’s allow them the right of ownership and control over their bodies and not reserve that right for parents, porno kings, sex slave traders, rapists and the Dominique Strauss Kahns of this world. Less simulation, more sexuality.